COULDN’T SEE THAT COMING
“No outings,” bawls out the government
So go invent your own amusement.”
Will make you go blind.
For opticians though … a gift heaven sent.
I feel so sorry
For that single glass of wine
Sat there on its own
THE FURNITURE OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS
Not simply her chest
Enticed them; they wanted to
Explore her drawers too
All know potatoes
Have eyes yet are blind but who
Notices their toes?
~~~~~ ~ ~~~~~
The day dawns over
Our horizon and then it’s
Downhill all the way
The moon is still dark
I know what is still missing
It’s five syllables!
“Disastrous decisions are such wonderful gifts! They make it so much easier for us to do better next time.” – Ben Naga.
THE SLINGS AND ARROWS
Give it up
These foolish attempts
The whole world
With leather so’s to protect
Our sensitive feet
Watch our step
And wear some
Stout but comfortable shoes
Wherever we go
Watch the monkey mind
Chattering through the jungle
Swinging thought to thought
I TOLD YOU THERE’S NO ONE THERE
Some folks on the road to heaven
Are tempted to go astray.
All knew Parson Brown was one of these,
And golf what he wanted to play.
For he was only human.
But his flock didn’t see it that way.
“A vicar succumbing while we’re around?
Say, that’ll be the day!”
So every time he drove past the course
He saw the windows wide
And knew well that his stern parishioners
Were watching from the other side.
His frustration raged within him
Till he woke one morning at five.
The weather was fine and they were all asleep
As he crept down to the drive.
He quickly made his way to the course
And headed out for the first green,
Chuckling at the thought of what he was doing
And all without being seen.
But he’d forgotten the Angel Michael,
Who roused God from his forty winks
And said, “Wake up, Sire, it’s Parson Brown
And he’s out there on’t links!”
“Then I must punish him,” said God.
“As you know, it’s my wont with men.
And I promise you one thing, Michael;
That he won’t do this again!”
The vicar meanwhile was teeing off
In the early morning sun
But what a surprise he got when he found
That he’d scored a hole in one.
“Lord have mercy,” he exclaimed,
“Mercy upon my soul.”
But he’d even stronger language
When it happened at the second hole.
He went on to complete his hat trick;
Such golfing must astound.
The only man in history
To achieve an eighteen stroke round.
Even Michael, who’d watched the whole thing,
Couldn’t quite take it all in.
“But … but … but …” he spluttered to God,
“Tell me, how will THAT punish his sin?”
A wicked smile traversed God’s face,
And he answered, “Extremely well.
You and I may know what happened
But who can Parson Brown tell?”
~~~~~ ~ ~~~~~
Note that both God and Michael have broad Yorkshire accents.