The Grateful Child


I was not “their” child
But they did the best they could
(With histories of their own)

And it has taken me years
The wisdom of forgiveness

About Ben Naga

The Spirit that graces me with its passing has no name and stems not from thoughts and words, though it gathers them up as it flows, but from feeling.

Posted on August 24, 2015, in Poetry and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 15 Comments.

  1. This reminds me of an interview on NPR yesterday, Ben. Your words are truth in many cases…well said!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “They did the best they could” is one of the most maddening statements ever made by someone trying to excuse the total destructiveness of parents really f**king it up.

    Letting it go does take time and understanding, a wisdom to feel it created an essential part of me, otherwise would not exist. If one can absorb one’s growth comes from all we are exposed to and experience, we would be able to forgive all that comes before now.

    It still does not make what happened not exist or vanish from the memories as time progresses further away from what occurred and nearly destroyed who you were, and almost made the future a dream, rather then a reality.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would say I am not the grateful child. Please do not think I was speaking of you in the first line of my above statement. It is directed at all the people from my past who have spoken that line to me, as if it would make all things better. It doesn’t and it never has. It may be a long time ago, but what happened back then is unforgivable, horrible, and beyond the perpetrators undeserving redemption.

    I believe one chooses where one goes when reincarnated. Trying to figure out the lessons I was to learn are sometimes beyond my imagination. I usually say, it was b/c I wanted the grandmother I would be close to and who would love me unconditionally. She did and I loved her deeply and then lost her when I was still too young. She was my protector where I would go to escape.

    Well, I would say your words have triggered a huge memory explosion. Good, I think, but delicately raw.

    I did start working on the Qiqong last night. Watched many videos on the beginners lessons. In one night, and the beginning of a day, I feel the changes already. Subtle. Obviously, I have a long way to go but I think with the other disciplines I studied, it has helped in finding the way a touch quicker. Have a lot to do to change what I need to do. It feels right. TY for guiding me in your subtle way. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Well, I would say your words have triggered a huge memory explosion. Good, I think, but delicately raw.”

      “Have a lot to do to change what I need to do. It feels right.”

      I often feel as if I am more of a tool than a tool user; ideas, inspirations and experiences arise in unexpected yet fortuitous, serendipitous or intuitive ways. Much remains preconscious.

      “Du trumst mich ich dich
      Keine Angst ich weck’ dich nicht
      Bevor du nicht von selbs erwachst”

      (You dream me, I you
      Don’t worry, I won’t wake you
      Before you wake up yourself)

      – Stella Maris – Einstürzende Neubauten

      You may recall this from the “Open” compilation I sent?

      Oh, and please don’t misinterpret this video/song as an overpersonal overture. Purely a mingling of art and truth. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I trust you and won’t read into it. Sharing is what we do with art, truth, and the mysterious.

        The lyrics are amazing. I found another version, same video with subtitles. Then I clicked on lyrics and found the English version. I can so related to the chorus:
        (You dream me, I you
        Don’t worry, I won’t wake you
        Before you wake yourself)
        Dreams are as real as being awake. We are just in another dimension. We all slip into many levels of consciousness. I must add the visuals of the video portray the dreams so well, especially when he slips into her or is she the one slipping into his by making it appear the other way around? TY for a beautiful song and such poetic lyrics.

        I hope I am not being dense but I’m not sure what you are referring to when you wrote the “Open” compilation you sent? Explain please.

        Also, you are not a tool, your are an inspiration and serendipitous in an intuitive way. I agree much of what we have inside us remains preconscious, in our dreams, and floating through our mind while meditating and letting the thoughts and images drift by as we are letting go. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I thought I sent “Open” along with the Lennon books. When I talk of being a tool I am saying just what you are writing here:

        “much of what we have inside us remains preconscious”

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, okay, didn’t know what you were referring to. I am not familiar with most of the songs. In fact, now that Windows Media Player doesn’t work, iTunes doesn’t even register what is on the 20 tracks. Did you make a list of the music you sent? I didn’t really need it, just listened. Love guitar sounds.

        Is “Open” a book? I found John Lennon but don’t remember anything else but a note and a CD. But vaguely see in my head something thin but it isn’t in the package. I kept everything together, but no “Open.” Tell me what it is and maybe it will jog my memory.

        The majority of our mind is unavailable through “normal” means. We have to find other unusual ways to discover the mysteries.

        Liked by 1 person

      • The mail package should have included the two Lennon books and a CD, “Open”, which is a home-made compilation. I e-mailed you the cover art and track listing, which can be printed out and later translations of the French and German songs.Does that help the recall?


      • ” In fact, now that Windows Media Player doesn’t work, iTunes doesn’t even register what is on the 20 tracks.”

        Download “Winamp 5.666 Full (US English version)” (Link : and install.. This will recognise the tracks and is very user-friendly. I have been using Winamp for years. I also recommend you explore the “visualisation” plug-in. Very trippy. 🙂


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