Winner

WINNER

She swam determinedly
In the now
Upstream
Against the current
She swam determinedly

Gritted her teeth
She heard the cheering from the banks

She swam determinedly
In the now
Upstream
Against the current
She swam determinedly

Gritted her teeth
Swam on

About Ben Naga

The Spirit that graces me with its passing has no name and stems not from thoughts and words, though it gathers them up as it flows, but from feeling.

Posted on April 30, 2012, in Poetry, Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. sarahjaneprosetry

    Feels like me!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My life daily… Spot on. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Winning – on more levels than one!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. story of my life… great write… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautiful poetry, such depth man!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Nice write, Ben. You create a wonderful energy in the lines that marries the semantics. Great poem!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I tried to chop up the rhythm, used short jerky sentences. Her lines could each have had their own full stop. Short, snatched breaths. And there is deliberate repetition. I wanted to help us climb inside the swimmer battling against the current. Only the line describing the onlookers breaks up this pattern and picture and, paradoxically, emphasises it.

      Thank you for your kind words, Angela. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

      Like

  7. Wow, this is wonderful! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. I am praying that she will learn to go with the flow when that time at last arrives. Or perhaps they are one and the same? (That’s the trouble with metaphors. 😛 )

      Like

  8. Unfortunately, I only get to grit my teeth during my sleep. Pft.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Yes, Perseverance is key! Gotta make it to the finish line. I love this! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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