Just Us

JUST US

Just the two of us
And a couple of glasses
To keep us company

On an impulse
She played me the Pixies
They were new to me

We didn’t speak
Just listened
Across the open waters

Only too well aware
That neither of us
Is a confident swimmer

The wraith of Silvia Plath
Crossed our slightly foggy minds
Simultaneously

“Way out in the water”
A synchronicity still born
Since neither of us dared to mention it

——————————————————————

I thought a few people might be helped in getting to the root of this piece with a couple of references.
…..
…..

…..

I’m not waving, I’m drowning” – Sylvia Plath

…..
Stevie Smith – Not Waving But Drowning
…..
Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he’s dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

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About Ben Naga

Pilgrim on the lam. Please feel free to explore the links to learn more. I trust you will find some things there will have been worth the effort. See you there.

Posted on November 6, 2011, in Poetry, Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 26 Comments.

  1. Where is my mind? ahhh

    Like

  2. I love this: “A synchronicity still born
    Since neither of us dared to mention it”

    Like

  3. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lovely. I wonder how many times we miss ‘clicking’ with someone because we are too shy, embarrassed or whatever to be honest and open in our communication. Written beautifully. I could feel the atmosphere…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m so glad it worked for you. I hope it works for the person who was its inspiration too.

      Like

      • This poem paints an atmosphere I long for. I miss. Although I haven’t ever experienced. Only in my dreams.
        And this “in my dreams” sent me to a scene in my favorite movie:

        Man in photo: She is in love.
        Nino Quincampoix: I don’t even know her!
        Man in photo: Oh, you know her.
        Nino Quincampoix: Since when?
        Man in photo: Since always.
        Man in photo: In your dreams.

        Lovely poem. I’m sorry for being off-topic ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • It is not a particularly happy picture the poem paints.

        Like

  5. Maybe not. But better not so happy but happening than happy and only in your dreams.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well Ben, It’s not a particularly happy picture, yes…but in fact if you look at it “The wraith of Silvia Plath
    Crossed our slightly foggy minds
    Simultaneously”
    To have been with someone who knows you are thinking the same thing, but just not verbalizing it, isn’t that enough? You’ve already won, b/c you are of the same mind, same thoughts….and you have someone that understands you — just too afraid to vocalize those thoughts…I think it’s beautiful..and in time, hopefully these two will be able to swim, swim deep and far. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. sorry just woke up and my spelling is atrocious. hopefully you understood it.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. and thank you for the add ons….they really paint the picture ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you my friend. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, after some personal reflection, and reading some of the early comments, I realised that I hadn’t made the points in my poem clearly enough. I made too many assumptions about readers having knowledge of the references plus the likelihood of them connecting them. My bad. Sometimes the things I write attempt to say more things than is immediately obvious. They are just hard work :), and that type of poetry is not too common these days I think. A lot of what I read of others’ is much more transparent, and therefore that’s what folk have come to expect.

      With the notes and your helpful additions this piece is hopefully much clearer. The secret suicidal thoughts are still there for the couple. And as you say, it is their fear that prevents things moving forward.

      Like

      • Not your bad. OUR BAD! Indeed, maybe I didn’t get exactly all your points, but that doesn’t mean you should write the type of poem too common today : the obvious one, the “for the mass” type. This type you write, is my favorite, and although I don’t write poetry(anymore), when I did or tried to do so, I had in mind exactly this … the meaning in the poem is harder to find, to discover, you have to use your mind ๐Ÿ™‚

        I failed to use my mind this time. I should have searched for those references ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ah, Miss Audrey. What can I say?

        You will have to intuit my response. It will be warm though, you may be sure. ๐Ÿ˜€

        Like

  9. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m glad I could help put these thoughts into motion with my comments…just using our minds as one. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  10. sarahjaneprosetry

    What a wonderful slice of life, thank you for sharing. And thank you for bringing me back to when the pixies were new to me as well

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Great truth captured so well! Impressive!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. this one is still one of my favorites and puts a smile on my face, how amazing the way time flies.

    Liked by 1 person

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