Hope And Despair

HOPE AND DESPAIR
……………………………………………………………….For a friend
Like it or not
……..Acceptance of what is
……………..Is the sole exit from despair

Hope can learn
………To share this space with loss
……………….Contentedly
…………………..    ..If only you will

Please take it
……..From one who knows
……………..From
…………….  ……..(not always)
……………………….. …..Bitter experience

For love
……..For others
…………  …For self
…………………….Is the strangest of beasts
…………………………….I have found
…………………………………….My dear friend

And perhaps the sole gift I can offer you

Breath

BREATH

You breathe in, you breathe out
You stop a moment and remind yourself
That we are all creatures of habit
The habit of breathing, for one

Who Am I? What Is This Place? Who Are All These Others?

WHO AM I? WHAT IS THIS PLACE? WHO ARE ALL THESE OTHERS?

Travel your own journey.
Travel toward your own destination.

That is the essential.

It always was.

You were born alone.
You will die alone.

All this you already know.
I am telling you nothing new.

Companions,
with or without sex or commitment or marriage,
is at bottom a side issue.

Don’t fall into simply using others,
and certainly don’t fall into letting them use you.
Always remain true to your ultimate journey and its goal.

Measure all relationships against this:
Are they helpful (EXCELLENT);
entertainment (OK, IF YOU DON’T LET IT TAKE OVER);
or obstacles (DANGER! AVOID).

Travel well.

For Martin

FOR MARTIN

Deep in your room,
out beyond birth and death,

and all around you
a reassuring chaos.

Oh you always remind me
I am easy to forget.

North Muskham

NORTH MUSKHAM

In the graveyard
The church clock
Struck four times
Rooks cawed from the trees

A perfect stranger wished me good day
And set me on the right road

Men
Relaying the road
As I passed the lorry
I heard one urinate

The bunting of straw on the bushes
Must have fallen from an overladen haytruck …

Helen And Her Balloon

…..
…..
HELEN AND HER BALLOON

And walked from my life into another dream
Where I might drink more deeply of my madness
Of balloons, of Man’s conquest of the mighty
And strange incandescences cast loose upon a shoreless sea

The elements of wind and fire combined
To lift our spirits into sudden communion
As atop the derelict tower we tasted
The soft kiss of the forbidden

The elements assembled, the flame applied
Fierce tongues so close to devouring
The delicate tissues hungry for the warmth
That will send them soaring

As a lover is hungry for love or death
And struggles wildly, desperately for equilibrium
Against the dangers of the murderous wind
Can our love survive the buffets of the gale?

A moment’s anxiety and then the word
Holding of breath – now we must surrender control
Let go, it swoops once, lurches earthward straight at me and then …
It flies! It flies!

Hangs steady and peaceful and drifts away to the wind’s beckoning
And communion grows around our shared success
As we strain to follow its dot into the far limits of vision
The pointillism of rods and cones

Like all fine art an expression of the transient
In defiance of its doom – like all fine artists
Condemned to drift into the rarefied ether of their thirties
As delivery men or out-of-work piano players

Drifts away – to come to ground who knows how
A plummeting Icarus with a pall of flame
Or a limp landfall in some muddy ditch
Sinking back into the anonymity of decay

… And Know That I Am God

… AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD (Psalms 46:10)

I wept for that seeker,
for the grubby pathos of her searching.

I ached a while with her loneliness,
that she might feel it
and be still,

and in this stillness
find the strength and solace
to continue.

I laughed at that seeker,
at the foolish, blind obstinacy that passed for courage;

that strove, and battled, and conquered despair,
and still continued
to be everything but still.

Heart To Heart

HEART TO HEART

Now your time comes
Now you can speak
Be heard
Believed
Unjudged

Now the tears come
So long withheld
Let go
Release
Healing

Walking The Dog

WALKING THE DOG

I have a black dog
I hide away from people
In his lightless kennel
He would attack them
Savage them to death
Given half a chance

But some days
I have to walk the dog
No choice I’m afraid
Roles suddenly switch
He becomes the top dog
It’s his turn to take the lead

His loss and pain exposed
I can never fail but love him
Despite his murderous eyes
After a walk, perhaps a bark or two
He can be mastered once more
Kennelled in the silence

In the end though
He is my only companion
My only reliable friend
I call him Consolation
Even on the blackest of days he reminds me
There’s always death to look forward to

Pas De Deux

PAS DE DEUX

Pour Françoise

Nous nous suivons, je me suis
Nous sommes nous, néanmoins me suis-je

La danse de conjugaison
Nous embrasse sans relâche

Enfin, au bout du sentier
Au fond du sentiment: quoi?

Tout et rien, dit-il
Ni tout, ni rien, dit-elle

Les choses simples mènent à l’ennui
Les choses compliquées mènent à l’écoeurement

Je veux, je veux pas
Je veux pas, je veux

C’est à moi ou c’est à toi?
Et comment se reconnaître?

Je veux pas, je veux
Je veux, je veux pas

Peu sont les besoins
Mais les désirs sont infinis

——————————————————————

…..Translation

PAS DE DEUX/NO “TWO”

We follow one another, I follow myself
We are us, nevertheless I am myself

The dance of conjugation
Enfolds us relentlessly

But then, at the end of the road
In the depths of feeling: what?

Everything and nothing, he says
Neither everything, nor nothing, she says

Simple things lead to boredom
Complicated things lead to disgust

I want, I don’t want
I don’t want, I want

Is it up to me or is it up to you?*
And how to recognise oneself (or “one another”)?

I don’t want, I want
I want, I don’t want

Needs are few
But desires are infinite

…..* This line can also be read as “Is it me or is it you?”, “Is it mine or is it yours?”, “Is it my ………turn or your turn?” or any combination of the four.