Breath

BREATH

You breathe in, you breathe out
You stop a moment and remind yourself
That we are all creatures of habit
The habit of breathing, for one

Rambling Home

RAMBLING HOME

I’d rather be a grapefruit than an ape
You’re quite a bit longer for a start
And besides a word, a bunch of letters
Is no more than a handy metaphor
We can load with whatever feelings
We deem appropriate (or not)

And objects too – Case in point
He should throw away this old cardigan
Which, like it’s owner-occupier
Is starting to unravel at the cuff
But it reminds him of his mother
Who knitted it for him with kindness

Don’t do to be too weighed down though
When staying portable makes it easier
And you prefer to be easily moved
‘Cos if you can’t be moved by things
You’re missing out big style
Believe me, any fool knows that

And as for rushing about the place
Trying to get someplace else all the time
Without enjoying where you were
Or are – Just remember this
Speed, time taken, isn’t important
Rhythm, style and grace, is important

Compassion, learning little by little
And who’s in charge here anyway
All roads still lead back to roam and roaming
And undermine the disillusionment
Of pretended self-sufficiency
In self-interest and self-abuse

Guilt and shame on you
You know the rules
This coupling’s allowed, that one’s not
Hey, by whom, and anyway
We’re not done with exploring yet
Not by any means apparently

As if that jolly flickering flame
The moth’s so attracted to
Dancing her will-she-won’t she pirouette
Will do her in the end
Any good at all
Unless of course …

The world’s a message
You’re sending yourself
So why not take time then
Savouring that simple open secret
You’ll be surprised to discover
All beings kindred

Myriad spirits kindled
To cast a glow that lights the way
Thank them for their gifts
May you use them well … yet
To what final purpose?
And ultimately to whose?

Knuckle down
To a pulling up of socks
Wishing, I presume, to avoid
A rude awakening
I lace my shoes in a particular way
To maintain some illusion of control

Yesterday was Groundhog Day
Today is Choose day
Every day is Choose Day
I awake to wonder what next
And to whom to pose such a question
When to ask is contradiction enough

No point asking me, I’m afraid
I’m a stranger here myself

… And Know That I Am God

… AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD (Psalms 46:10)

I wept for that seeker,
for the grubby pathos of her searching.

I ached a while with her loneliness,
that she might feel it
and be still,

and in this stillness
find the strength and solace
to continue.

I laughed at that seeker,
at the foolish, blind obstinacy that passed for courage;

that strove, and battled, and conquered despair,
and still continued
to be everything but still.

The Waif In The Woodshed

THE WAIF IN THE WOODSHED

I’ve been putting it off for so long
Putting on more and more layers
But now the fire is all but dead

So I brace my shivering bones
Brave the ice laden air
Go out to the woodshed

And that’s where I find her
Huddled in the dusty far corner
Hard to make out in the half light

“Please don’t hurt me, sir”
Barely even a whisper
Her little eyes wide with fright

I crouch, summon my gentlest smile
“Why ever would I want to do that and
Why are you hiding outside in this storm?

Why don’t you come in by the fire?
You must be freezing out here in the dark
Come inside where it’s cosy and warm”

A little head shakes, shakes again
“No … It’s not safe … You’re all cruel
And I’m alright … Just leave me be”

I sigh, stand up, pick up some logs and leave
I could take her a blanket but I know what I’d find
The same thing I always find … No one there but me

Heart To Heart

HEART TO HEART

Now your time comes
Now you can speak
Be heard
Believed
Unjudged

Now the tears come
So long withheld
Let go
Release
Healing

Walking The Dog

WALKING THE DOG

I have a black dog
I hide away from people
In his lightless kennel
He would attack them
Savage them to death
Given half a chance

But some days
I have to walk the dog
No choice I’m afraid
Roles suddenly switch
He becomes the top dog
It’s his turn to take the lead

His loss and pain exposed
I can never fail but love him
Despite his murderous eyes
After a walk, perhaps a bark or two
He can be mastered once more
Kennelled in the silence

In the end though
He is my only companion
My only reliable friend
I call him Consolation
Even on the blackest of days he reminds me
There’s always death to look forward to

A Better World

A BETTER WORLD

What would make the world
A better place right now?

Simply that there might be
For each and every individual

A moment of internal peace and understanding
That was not fleeting but endured

And endured and endured and became
For each and every individual

An internal world of eternal peace and understanding
In which to dwell and share

Then we would wish to work tirelessly
To transform the way we think, speak and act

Till each and every individual lives
In an external world also

Of eternal peace and understanding
That is a thousand miles from here

But as we already know quite well
A journey of a thousand miles

begins with a single step

Frozen Fire

FROZEN FIRE

Nursing scorched wings, you angel in disguise,
wondering gypsy with question mark eyes,
wandering homesick – no answers, no rest,
and for companions your demons at best.

What a rich,
complicated,
multi-faceted,
yin yang,
breathe-in-breathe-out,
unfathomable,
insurmountable,
irrepressible,
contradictory
being you can be being!

And being …

And being …

Projects smoke screens of promises and lies,
defends to the death, then later denies.
Flexible conscience, ethical mare’s nest.
Defensive? Fastest gun in the west!

And in the centre a wise,
silent,
calm,
watchful
I,
that sees it all
and breathes in
and breathes out,
without attachment
to the passing show.

And with detachment the fool becomes wise,
finds what never was lost. What a surprise!
Hidden in full view. Who’d ever have guessed?
Welcome, my angel, be welcome, be my guest.

Who was,
who will be,
and will only

ever …

simply …

be.

DADT (1999 – 2010)

DADT (1999 – 2010)

Welcome to one Private’s unprivate personal hell
Let’s drink a toast in honour of Benny
Shot through the heart by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

A spiteful, misbegotten fear cloaked in a pious shell
Let’s drink a toast in honour of Denny
Welcome to one Private’s unprivate personal hell

Discharged to stop them tainting other personnel
Let’s drink a toast in honour of Jenny
Shot through the heart by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

There’s no marker on the battlefield where they fell
Let’s drink a toast in honour of Kenny
Welcome to one Private’s unprivate personal hell

Just to speak their love’s name was to rebel
Let’s drink a toast in honour of Lenny
Shot through the heart by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

They understood prejudice only too well
Let’s drink a toast in honour of Penny
Welcome to one Private’s unprivate personal hell
Shot through the heart by “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

Fisher King

FISHER KING

A flash
another jolt

surreal four track

no heads up
ever

no warning
no sirens

a caramba switch
and sudden

to watch the outside
hanging from a cross
cross legged beneath a tree
rising into the sky
this moment

this one moment
this precious eternal
unanswerable moment

no time at all

tune in
tune out
forever

two-edged sword

on my left hand
the Fisher King
in my right
the day to day data
of me-ing